Small things in the morning...

In the morning I am not always at my best.

I usually say very few things in the morning.

I used to think that people were stupid for saying they needed their coffee before they came online. Now, I think differently.

However, the little things that are easily overlooked brighten me up in the early morning hours.

("Early morning" being defined by college student standards is before 8:00 a.m. )

The other day, I stopped at a stop sign before making a left across traffic. I looked to my right and saw a squirrel burying something.

Hey! Shut up! I thought it was cool. He had this vacant, yet determined look in his eyes. He was gathering all the surrounding ground cover to hide his stash. Then scampered off.

It would have been cooler if he did it cartoon-style. I had this discussion with Squatty on a bike ride once. I asked him about his previous life as a munitions safety inspector in the military. I asked him if he inspected things as if he was in a Roadrunner-Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

"You know, would you go up to a bomb with a tiny hammer and tap it on the nose. Then it would explode and then you'd be all blackened, and hold up a tiny sign that said, 'Ouch'?"

"Yes," Squatty said dryly. "That's exactly what I did. Then my skeleton would fall to the ground to the sound of a xylophone. How did you know?"

I wanted to see my squirrel friend pat down his stash with a tiny shovel then he would lean on the shovel and sigh. Then he would get a out a checklist and check off that particular location.

He would have definitely needed a hard hat.

Then yesterday as I was driving to campus, I saw a dad put his son or daughter on the school bus. The little kid had to have been in first grade.

The little dude got on the bus and dad waved to him or her.

Then turned to walk back to the house, got a two steps away and turned back towards the bus.

He forgot to hand the tiny backpack to his tiny child.

Must have been his first time putting Junior on the bus and he almost blew it.

It made me laugh.

Shut up. So what if I am easily amused?

It makes mornings a little more tolerable.

Table's not tabled

Table = ~70% done.

Table top is glued up, but I have to add another strip of ash to make it a little wider - 25" inches is a bit too narrow for two people to sit across from eachother. I still also need to cut the breadboard ends (prependicular strips of wood that cap each end to minimize expansion and contraction).

The legs are milled up and still need a lot of work.

The rails are done, but not glued. I don't know exactly how I will fix the rails to the top.

This will definately run into other weekends, since I am going to see my first cyclocross race

tomorrow, and going to work on Monday.

Tables are on the horizon.

We have a four-day weekend coming up. With Columbus Day this weekend, my normal weekend gets doubled. No work at the machine shop on Friday. No school Monday.

My plan is to build a table.

One weekend. At kitchen table 60" x 30", White Ash with a Paduak or Bloodwood strip down the top.

This has all the elements of a bad idea. I'll explain....

While there are 96 hours available to me, we'll half that seeing that it's not particularly plausible to think that I'll work 96 hours straight. Therefore, I have 48 hours to make this thing.

I am also not a very skilled woodworker. I am a hard worker, which does not translate to skill.

So, this could be interesting.

Some of the things I have working in my favor are:

I have this thing all planned out, design-wise. Parts list is simple; one top, four rails, four legs. Bam!

I am not getting uber-fancy. There won't be a lot of garish design features and extravagance. Just a simple table.

Bam!

Scheduling will be very important. This is what I am thinking...

Friday = Buy wood. Mill wood. Glue legs up. Cut up top. Tongue and Groove the pieces for top.

Saturday = Glue up top. Cut rail pieces. Make rail joints (I don't know what the joints are called that I am using). Glue rails together. Biscuit joint rails and top for gluing.

Sunday = Taper legs. Cut leg/rail joints. Sand everything.

Monday = Overflow day, and believe me, there will be work overflow.

I think that I am digging my grave pretty deep on this one. If I can say one thing about myself is that I am pretty good at that.

But I am as excited as I am scared about this prospect.

I will take some photos of the process, with time/date cards, in order to track my progress.

Every time I make something I want to take a series of photos to show the evolution of my parts. I think this is a perfect time to do this.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

Wanna go on a car ride? Wanna go buh-byes?

I have a cat named Red.

His name is Red because he is red. He's actually orange but Orange is not a good name for a cat.

A while ago, I was moving my truck out of my driveway and I left the door open and Red started nosing around the door. I scooped him up and put him in passenger's seat and drove down the street and back.

It was really funny because Red was on "high alert" the whole time, and if you have a cat you'll know what I mean, he was in "slink-dash" mode the whole time.

You know "slink-dash" mode, right? It's when a cat is in a new, unfamiliar, or slightly threatening place, and they get really low to the ground and seem to sniff each spot before they put a foot down. I don't know if dogs do it because dogs suck and are not nearly as cool as cats.

So, fast forward to this morning.

I left my house and Red was on the deck. He wanted to go inside but it is so nice out that I told him that he should stay outside today. (Yes, I told him this. Yes, I talk to my cat.)

But I could tell that he really wanted to go in because he followed me to my truck. He only follows you around when he wants something.

So, what did I do? That's right. I scooped up Red and put him in my truck and we went for a ride around town. We went through downtown Newmarket, past the Town Hall, turned right on to Packers Falls Road, and right on Elm Street, up and over the hill by L&M, and then left on to my street.

There is a "but" in this story.

When we were on Packers Falls Road, Red let out a forlorn little, "oooowwwwwWW" cry. His voice is really cute because: one, he rarely talks so when he does it's a treat; two, he only says "ow"; and three, "ow" always goes up at the end like he's asking a question.

But today, the way he said "ow" and the look in his eyes told me that he was not having fun.

When we got on to my street, he did something he never does voluntarily -- he laid down on my lap. Then he did something he does all the time when he's stressed out -- lots of fur came off of him.

At this point, another funny thing happened. I saw my friend Angus walking up my street. It turns out that Angus was going to work on a project with classmate who happens to live on my street, but he was very surprised to see a cat on my lap.

"You have a cat!"

"Yeah, I'm just taking Red for a car ride."

{That should sum up the stupidity of the situation.}

So, the bottom line is... I don't think Red likes car rides as much as I like taking Red on car rides. This is a particular shame because Red is such a little adventurer. He wanders the neighborhood, kills things --recently he devour all but the head, left leg and tail of a chipmunk -- and gets in fights all the time.

It's a shame that we can't -- well, shouldn't -- take him on car rides.

College life feels sludgey

I had a post all loaded up and ready to go concerning Cadel Evans' well deserved World Championship win but I shelved it because I have nothing new to throw onto the fire.

Yes, he deserves it.
Yes, he finally attacked.
I hope that Silence -Lotto will actually back him up next year in the Grand Tours.

You see? Nothing that hasn't been said already.

Therefore, I will proceed to less pressing matters.

My diet.

This semester started with a bang.
I have been up on campus nearly every morning at 8:00 a.m., with a couple of exceptions mostly coming after late nights at The New Hampshire (UNH's student newspaper).

But with long workdays on campus comes miserably irregular eating patterns that have left me feeling as though I need dialysis. I feel like I am supposed to be running on 10W-40 but instead someone got lazy and put in some cheap 90-weight gear oil.

Oh man... Let me give you an example of my intake lately:

Monday went like this;
Breakfast = ghett-o's (market basket brand cheerios), one banana, 1% milk. {not so bad}
Lunch = Buffalo chicken sub (three fried chicken tenders with Blue cheese dressing with lettuce and tomato on whit bread. {tasty but not so nutritious}
Dinner = tomato soup and grilled cheese. [from Dining hall] {SUCKED, that is not dinner nor is it nutritious AT ALL}

Tuesday:
Breakfast = the usual.
Lunch = one slice pepperoni pizza, luke warm, fresh out from under the warming bulb. {SUCKED, but at least it was something...}
Dinner = maybe...

Wednesday went like this:
Breakfast = the usual
Lunch = "slider" sized cheeseburger and waffle fries. {SUCKED but something is better than nothing.

[ Let me explain to you waffle fries. Like waffles are delicious because there are nooks and crannies for peanut butter and syrup to hide, waffle FRIES are awful for you because there is more volume and surface area for grease to absorb. The label should say "Fat-ass fries".]

Dinner = Barb's (my dear, sweet, tiny, sailor-mouthed mother) Turkey and Black Bean Chili with a scoop of Homemade Macaroni and Chees on top. {Finally, the first REAL thing I hav eaten all week!}

I reflected on all this (except for Wednesfay dinner) as I drove home from school. I thought, "Of all that is good and holy in Oden's beard! No wonder I feel like shit, have been sleeping like shit, and had no energy lately!"

How the hell am I supposed to perform while I pump this sort grog into my body?
Better question, what am I going to do about it?
Fruits and veggies? Good idea. I'll have to get over my phobia of green food stuffs, though.
No more coffee? You got a better chance of seeing God, my friends, before I give up the delicious Brown Serpent!
More sleep? Tell that to my editor, professors and work ethic.


So, it's now Thursday - or it will be by the time you read this.

And I am going to start my day with a cup of coffee, bright and early, frantically work till 1:30 when I run to the MUB Food Court and put a burger on a piece of pizza, eat it on the way to class, then work till 11 p.m. at TNH while eating some combonation of fried food and cookies and then, as your hair shampoo label reads, LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT!

Until the end of the semester, when I will schedule a high-colonic enema, dialysis, angioplasty and a dental cleaning.

King of SchoolWorkNerds

I got up at 9:30 a.m.

I ate pancakes for breakfast.

I washed the dishes.

I showered.

I left my house at 11:15 a.m.

I arrived at the McConnell computer lab at 11:30 a.m.

I was the first one here. I had to turn the lights on because there was NO ONE ELSE HERE!!!!

I am such a NERD!

It's Sunday! Go ride your bike all day. Go to Portsmouth with your friends! Go do something other than schoolwork DWEEB!!!!

Or not. Keep working.

It'll be worth it. I promise.

from the Practical Joke File

I was showering this morning and I thought of a great practical joke.

Install a super high-power exhaust fan in your bathroom, right over the shower.

When you have a guest and they are showering and the bathroom is getting all foggy, turn on the fan.

Let me explain how powerful this fan should be. It should be powerful enough to suck the shower curtain right off of the rail. And powerful enough to suck the shampoo suds out of their hair. And powerful enough to suck the washcloth off its hook. And powerful enough to suck the falling water out of the air so that no water hits the tub.

But not powerful enough to inhale your guest because that would probably be considered negligent manslaughter, which is never funny.

Now, let me paint the picture.

"Oh wow, Sylvia. You sure love hot showers. Don't we have great water pressure? It's getting a little foggy in here. Let me turn the fan on for you."

"Oh thanks, Jerry. Yeah, I don't want fog up your walls to badly."

You hit the switch and seek shelter.

Well... I'll let your imagination do the rest.

Have a wonderful day.