A Dinner Party for the Ages and Ageless!

- cokes and cola

- cheese head string cheese, cr. cheese, Parmesean Cheese

- Quaker Quakes and oatmeal bread

- bread, oatmeal bread and mini bagels

- lemon and onions

- G.F. Chicken nuggets and fish stix

- Hamburg

- pizza

- pretzels

- orange juice

There are so many way to organize and cross-reference this list.

Barb and I went food shopping about a week ago and somebody left their list in an impulse magazine rack at the check out.

 I read it, re-read it and tried my hardest to wrap my find around this list.

You can group liquids together; cola, cokes, orange juice.

There are multiple cheese products; cheese head string cheese, cr.(eam) cheese and, presumably, Parmesan Cheese.

There are two vegetables; Onions and lemons.

There are two pressed and formed food-esque items; fish stix and G.F. chicken nuggets (We can only guess what "G.F." stands for) and I'll even put Hostess Pies and Quaker Quakes into this group.

They also love their carbs; pizza, pretzels, bread, oatmeal bread.

   Or you could group things in a different manner, perhaps "Things to make a meal".

   Let's see.... what could we have for dinner tonight? We'll add some class to our dinner by making a three-course meal.

   As a something to nibble on before our dinner party kicks off, we'll have a platter of pretzels and Quaker Quakes on a beautiful Dale "The Intimidator" Earnhardt commemorative plate.

   If anybody is thirsty, feel free to offer them your diverse selection of beverages; Cokes, cola and orange juice.

   We'll start with an appetizer of 3-Cheese Alaskan Halibut Mini-Bagel Bruschetta; torn up string cheese, cream cheese and Fish Stix (the "X" marks the spot for tastiness) on mini bagels toasted to perfection with a dusting of the finest Kraft Parmesan Cheese.

   Next, we'll move on to the first course, Chicken Nugget Pizza. A delicious Market Basket deep-dish pizza with chicken nuggets artfully arrayed in the shape of the Talladega Speedway.

   For the second course, get ready for Hamburg Surprise! The surprise is ONIONS! A pound of 93% lean ground beef simmered in lemon juice , with a dash of O.J. We'll make a casserole by layering oatmeal bread, hamburg, veins of string cheese with a crumbled Hostess Pie crust. Bake for 15 minutes or until heated all the way through.

   For dessert, we have everybody's favorite, Deep-Fried Cookie Mix! Heat up that vat of partially hydrogenated soybean oil - we have to watch our Trans Fats, don't we? - and toss in cabbage-sized balls of Cookie Mix. Let them sizzle until they are a dark brown on the outside and gooey on the inside.        

* Here's a fun tip; if your guest are gamblers, make a game out of dessert. Get a fondue-pot style fry-a-lator and  put it in the center of the dinner table. See who can make the farthest, half court shot of Cookie Mix in to the fry-a-lator. Takes bets. If your friends are like mine, they're only in Gamblers Anonymous to shut up a spouse - they'll need this non-track-related betting outlet. It's not gambling if it is between friends, right? *

     I hope your dinner party is a hit. 

I bet, it will be!

Coffee Tour - Completed

The Seacoast Coffee Shop Tour was a success.

We rode to 3 states, 10 towns, 6 coffee shops.

We rode 105 miles. 

I peed on the side of the road 4 times.

I bonked before the halfway mark.

I suffered for 4 of the 6 hours we were riding.

I will need at least 3 days to recover from this ridiculous feat.

I have cemented my caffeine addiction.

I did it all on a 44-17 single speed road bike.

I am done with my base miles.

Overall, it was pure sweet hell.

And I will be doing it again when the weather gets better.

Seacoast Coffee Shop Tour 2009

What better way to spend a saturday than peddle your ass around seacoast New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Maine?
Wait, maybe the didn't come out right?

Let me start again.

What better way to spend a Februrary day than to ride your bike to ten different coffee shops in three different states?

That's better. That's less ambiguous and licentious.

But that is what R.Kelly and I are going to do on saturday; at least ten coffee shops in ten towns, in 100 miles, in under 7 hours (or before the sun goes down whichever comes first).

I put a hit out to my fellow seacoast-area cyclists and have gotten a mixed bag of results.
Jay told me that he would gladly join me for this ride when the predominant color of the world returns to green, you crazy bastard! Keep in mind, his words not mine.

This is going to be an epic day of riding, extreme stimulant overdose, cookies and cakes, and alot of peeing on the side of the road.

The route will be as follows:
- 8:00 a.m. roll out from Breaking New Grounds in Durham.
- The Big Bean in Newmarket.
- Me and Ollie's in Exeter.
- Hollow Cafe or in Amesbury, on Main Street (I looked it up but don't remember the name).
-Plum Island Roasters or Caffe Di Siena in Newburyport, on some street (I looked it up but don't remember the name).
- some place in either Hampton, Seabrook or Salisbury.
- Cafe Kilim in Portsmouth (although I heard there is a really good place in Kittery).
- there's a bunch of places in Ogunquit (I have been there before but I don't remember its name).
- some place in South Berwick.
- Cafe on the Corner in Dover,
then back to Durham.

Wow.... this is going to be epic. A century ride in February? I've never done it and it might kill me, but it will be quite an adventure.

Stay tuned for an account and pictures.

What they try to slip past you

I don't feel particular motivated to write anything tonight, which includes my profile about a lovely married couple.

One thing that did catch my ear this evening was a quick couple of lines Charlie Gibson read from the teleprompter.

I'll paraphrase it for you:

American Airlines, as of April, will no longer be having a customer service telephone line. If you wish to comment on anything, you must write an e-mail or send a letter.

To steal a line from Frank Wheeler, it seems to me that there is considerable amount of bullshit going on here!

If they are cutting back the staff necessary to field phone calls in order to save money, why should we believe American Airlines will leave the requisite staff in place to read all the e-mails and letters that will coming their way?

Is it just me or does anyone else think the mailing address will be one of those industrial sized document shredders? And the e-mail address might as well be AmericanAirlinesCustomerService@kissmyass.youallfellforourtrick.com.

Since the Annuciation...

So alot has happened since I declared my blod D.O.A.
School has started.
I have begun training for what promises to be an eventful collegiate racing season.
I have interviewed a delightful couple for an english class.
I have managed to fall behind in my reading for class already.

But the most momentous thing of late is that I have begun listening to NPR.
In the past, my music choice has usually been -as was deftly described on one of those commentary shows about the 80's- "music that makes you want to drive fast and punch people."
It was metal, metal, punk, screaming and loud. I remembering thinking that NPR was just what old people listened to because they just couldn't handle as much rocking as I could.
My sister once tried to convince me that NPR wasn't just blabbering and grim news. That there was actually good content. I poo-poo-ed her. I tend to do that alot; poo-poo-ing, in general.
However, I now find NPR to be an excellent source of news, entertainment and generally interesting programing for my short drives around the seacoast area.
I might be getting to old to rock. I don't entirely believe that. I am only offering that as some sort of explanantion.
I think my ability to rock hasn't diminished at all. I cite for you an indoor training ride that I did with the team two saturdays ago. When AC/DC's "Shook Me All Night Long" came on, I had no qualms about shouting all the lyrics, which were particularly ill-timed; it was the two minutes of 10 out of 10 Rate of Perceived Effort (my heartrate soared to somewhere around 190 beats per minute).

On another topic, on World News Tonight this evening, an anchor did a piece about the country's ultra-rich continuing to spend exorbitant amounts of money on luxuxry items, specifically $40,000 suits. These suits are hand-tailored from exotic fabrics, like Alaskan Yak fur, and the white pinstripes are actually white gold!
This left me with one desire; I would love to slap a rich person, particularlly an imbecile that bought one of these suits.
Just flat-out slap him or her. In this situation, I would have no problem if it were a women.
Man, that would feel good... for me.

the forgotten blogs destiny.

I think that my blog is now deceased.

I have not written much since I have returned.
I am not sure if I will continue to write in the future.

There is not much to write about anymore.
As of now, the days proceed in the fashion: wake up, work, come home, shower, go to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat endlessly.

This is only until school starts again on the 20th.
Then everything will change.

I will start writing again when I start racing in the spring....

... I promise. By that time I will have something worthwhile to write about.

Overheard in the mall and in theory

There are so many great things about overhearing things said between other people. Some of the things that I think make these small intrusions in to other people's lives and conversations great are: you have no idea what the context of the entire conversation is, you don't know what the relationship between the two people is, you don't know what brought about the comment, and best of all you have to try not to laugh out loud when you hear a good one.

I am writing about this because I heard a couple good ones last night when I was out and about in the breathtaking Fox Run Mall in scenic Newington, NH.

The first one was -presumably- between a mom and her daughter (remember the relationship rule):
- Mom: Well, we can cross that off our list. What's next?
- Daughter: I kind of hungry.
- Mom: Ok. Want to go the Lindt Candy [Chocolate] store, make a meal out of it?
--------- The best part of this one, for me, was that I didn't quite hear and understand the word "Lindt", but did hear the word "candy". I first thought that this was the best mom ever, but then I walked passed the Lindt Store and was able to put two-and-two together. Then I tried to find that lady again to see if she was in a fufilling marriage because a woman like that is truely one in a million.-----------

The second one of the evening was said between two young fellows, maybe mid-twenties, collage-ish kids, looking generally unkempt and well... American.
There was no follow-up or response. It was just a one-liner.
- Dude: Uhh... My pelvic girdle!
----------I don't even know where to go with that one! What was more surprising to me was that he knew what a 'pelvic girdle'!--------


I love when you overhear things, especially when the comments and snippets are not mundane crap like, "Oh my gosh! I was so drunk last night".

I don't think that "Overheards" could be considered eavesdropping or being nosy. The general trend is that something occurs -either externally or internally- to break your attention from whatever you are doing at precisely the right momment that the guy next to you is saying something hairbrained. In the same way that a room full of people always becomes serediptiously silent when you fart or swear, redirecting all the attention to you for very wrong reasons.

Now, one thing I must caution you about is fools like me and some of my knuckleheaded friends. As a malicious and juvenile habit in highschool, we would select a mark - usually the vice-principal - and try to say the foulest, filthiest things we could think of when he was within earshotof us. This, as I said, that you must watch out for because you will not experience the essence of overhearing people. This is you being played by some truely sick people, played like a fool with a winning lottery ticket by an expert con-man.

Use this knowledge to your advantage. However, I urge you to use this knowledge as a two way street. Not only should you keep your ears open for these comic gems that happen all around you, but also you should try to play someone once in a while.

For instance, as you are walking down the sidewalk with a friend, mark someone that is walking toward you. As they are a few paces in front of you, say some thing totally outlandish. I can not give you advice or suggestions as to what you should say, but make sure it's worth it, cockamamey and absurd.

If you suceed, know that you might have just baffled someone's curcuits, which is truely a superlative feeling.