Friday, December 19, 2008

Overheard in the mall and in theory

There are so many great things about overhearing things said between other people. Some of the things that I think make these small intrusions in to other people's lives and conversations great are: you have no idea what the context of the entire conversation is, you don't know what the relationship between the two people is, you don't know what brought about the comment, and best of all you have to try not to laugh out loud when you hear a good one.

I am writing about this because I heard a couple good ones last night when I was out and about in the breathtaking Fox Run Mall in scenic Newington, NH.

The first one was -presumably- between a mom and her daughter (remember the relationship rule):
- Mom: Well, we can cross that off our list. What's next?
- Daughter: I kind of hungry.
- Mom: Ok. Want to go the Lindt Candy [Chocolate] store, make a meal out of it?
--------- The best part of this one, for me, was that I didn't quite hear and understand the word "Lindt", but did hear the word "candy". I first thought that this was the best mom ever, but then I walked passed the Lindt Store and was able to put two-and-two together. Then I tried to find that lady again to see if she was in a fufilling marriage because a woman like that is truely one in a million.-----------

The second one of the evening was said between two young fellows, maybe mid-twenties, collage-ish kids, looking generally unkempt and well... American.
There was no follow-up or response. It was just a one-liner.
- Dude: Uhh... My pelvic girdle!
----------I don't even know where to go with that one! What was more surprising to me was that he knew what a 'pelvic girdle'!--------


I love when you overhear things, especially when the comments and snippets are not mundane crap like, "Oh my gosh! I was so drunk last night".

I don't think that "Overheards" could be considered eavesdropping or being nosy. The general trend is that something occurs -either externally or internally- to break your attention from whatever you are doing at precisely the right momment that the guy next to you is saying something hairbrained. In the same way that a room full of people always becomes serediptiously silent when you fart or swear, redirecting all the attention to you for very wrong reasons.

Now, one thing I must caution you about is fools like me and some of my knuckleheaded friends. As a malicious and juvenile habit in highschool, we would select a mark - usually the vice-principal - and try to say the foulest, filthiest things we could think of when he was within earshotof us. This, as I said, that you must watch out for because you will not experience the essence of overhearing people. This is you being played by some truely sick people, played like a fool with a winning lottery ticket by an expert con-man.

Use this knowledge to your advantage. However, I urge you to use this knowledge as a two way street. Not only should you keep your ears open for these comic gems that happen all around you, but also you should try to play someone once in a while.

For instance, as you are walking down the sidewalk with a friend, mark someone that is walking toward you. As they are a few paces in front of you, say some thing totally outlandish. I can not give you advice or suggestions as to what you should say, but make sure it's worth it, cockamamey and absurd.

If you suceed, know that you might have just baffled someone's curcuits, which is truely a superlative feeling.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

i have fully returned to my native culture.

I will not mince words.

Today I drove to McDonalds for lunch because I ran out of lunch meat the other day. I usually brown-bag it.
However, I drove from work to McDonalds today.
From the parking lot to the drive through there are -maybe, at absolute maximum, swirving back and forth to increase the distance- 300 meters.
I drove there, ordered, paid and drove back to work for a round trip of -like I said, at absolute maximum- maybe 1/8th of a mile.

Yes, indeed, I am home.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

if youre ok, say sometihng.

something.

i have been home for a little less than a week.
it is weird.
when they described the sensation of reverse-culture shock, i poo- poo-ed it.
"that won't happen. how could that possibly happen."


man, i was wrong. However, it is not bad whereas it is not good.
it is just strange. there is a vauge dreamlike feeling. I tried to describe it to Brian;
It is like a dream, certainly not a nightmare, but it is like returning to a dream that you have had for years and have come to turst. However, you will always kow that it is a dream.
I say this because being home is like a distortion of the reality I have experienced for the last 3 months. I knew home existed. I knew what I would return to, however I trusted my Italian life so thoroughly that I forgot that my other life existed.

Like I said, it is not a feeling that I can articulate completely. I have tried, and I enjoy trying to explain things. Almost like one of those crack-pots that describe wines ("it's chatty but not aggressive", is probably my favorite wine-related description ever, but still...) however, I can not come up with the words or sentiments to accurately describe my thoughts, feelings and emotions with in the first week that I have been home.

I will try to think things over and come up with something. But that might take a while. Maybe, it would be best to let sleeping dogs lie, let my memories live and not try to define something for the fear that giving it words and titles will diminish it.
I will keep everyone posted.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "TOMORROW"!!!!!

So today is the last day.
the end of day is hear.

i did my last Wednesday Worlds today and i took plenty of photos, and the sprint.
Brian took me that Federico was pissed because Fede went tearing past Brian once I made a 10 or so meter gap. I have to say that it was all b-c of Roberto becasue after the round-a-bout at Citta delle Stelle, Roberto told me to just sit on his wheel.... and that was all she wrote.

Iguess that makes up for my blow up on the climb (the top of which is 4.5km from Collonella).

I took photos...
I told all my boys 'goodbye' and that Iwould be back to visit. I suppose that I have told enough people that I will come back, that Ihave to. No excuses, No whining, just coming back to Italy within the next couple of years; oh well, Iguess that is the price you have to payy for making good friends all over the world.

I backed up all my photo's and video's today. And did you know that it takes about 15 minutes to transfer 19.2 gigabytes of photos on to an external harddrive? Just keep that in mind, in case you are crunched for time next time you transfer 3 months worth of photos.

Last night, I went out with Kasia (a young lady from the hotel 100 Torri) [check it out if you're ever in Ascoli] {drop my name for no discount whatsoever} and we sat and talked for 3 hours. ALL IN ITALIAN!! Not to brag or anything, but as far as tests go, this was a trial by fire!

The conversation was good, it flowed nicely with out too many akward pauses. But the thing that knocks my socks off is this; for all the bitching and whining I did during the first month or so about not learning Italian fast enough, I have come SO far. I was really surprised.

But, as I was saying, the end of days is upon me. I was talking with Brian, as we rode back to his shop after our ride, about how strange it is to have this all coming to an end.
I said good-bye to Dianna, Sylvia and Simona this morning; then all my boys this afternoon. I still have to go see Luigi at Dreambike and sadly Pasqua is not at Falgiani until tomorrow, so I won't be able to see her.

I can't wrap this up in any other way.
I can only say, "What do mean my flight is tomorrow!?"

oh yeah, i got pictures of the whores!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Ciao Mad Libs

(Disclamer: the views expressed in this blog are warpped and twisted and do not accuerately reflect reality as it exists or as others percieve it. by reading this disclamer, you hereby reliquinish all rights to judge the writer -forthwith known as Captain Fantastic- for any and all judgements, observations and commentary contained or written, expressed or implied, with in this blog.)

I _______ (intensity modifier) hate the _______ (intensity modifier) word "Ciao".

"Ciao" can ____ (action verb) a ____ (noun) in ____ (unfriendly place). I hope "Ciao" spends

________ (duration of time) in ____(unfriendly place) while ______ (creatures) ____

(torture verb) its _____(bodily organ), _____ (tortoure verb) red hot _____ ____

(compound word, torture device) up its ___ (bodily orrifice) and ____ (torture verb) out its

________ (bodily organ). I hope "Ciao" gets an incurable _____ ______

(compund word, disease) and has to _______ (verb) from ______ (adjective) contanct for the

rest of its life for fear of ______ (adjective), ______ (adjective), ______ (adjective)

inflammations."Ciao" is a ______ (adjective), ______ (adjective), ______ (adjective) that is

______ (adjective) of its ubiquitous status.

"Ciao" is used all the time. so much so that they might as well not even have other words in the language. You say "ciao" as a greeting, upon departure, in the morning, at night, to people young and old. There is never a time of day when you can't -and for this matter- shouldn't say "Ciao".
One of the frustrating parts of ... of the words that must not be said, from here on, forever and ever, amen... is that you don't ever recieve one "Ciao", 7 are thrown at you, like you were some sort of mob snitch getting gunned down. For Example:

person one - Senti, Rico, ci vediamo domani. [Listen, Rico, we'll see eacother tomorrow.]
person two - Ho-kay, Gianni, a domani. Ciao.
person one - Oh, ciao, grazie. Ciao, ciao.
person two - Ciao, prego. Ciao.
person one - Ciao.

FOR #°*%$ SAKE JUST SAY GOODBYE AND WALK AWAY!!!!!

I have not learned many varients of salutations. there is not the rich myriad of choices that we, the english speaking population, take for granted everyday. There are no Howdy's, Yo's, What's poppin?'s, What's good's or Hey there's.
There is only Boun Giorgno (only to be used before noon), Boun Pomerrigio (only to be used between noon and 4pm), Bouna Sera (5-ish pm to whenever you're done for the night, Salve (straight-up "Hello"), Arrivderci (formal goodbye), and the word that must not be spoken.

in this holiday season i think it is important that we give thanks. I'll go first; I am thankful that "Ciao" has not infected the North American continent. Amen.